People say you are your most vulnerable when you’re in love. I used to think they were wrong about that. They just never experienced love the way I did. I felt like I could conquer the world, like I could do anything, be anyone. I wasn’t vulnerable. I was invincible.

But I get it now, and I really wish I didn’t.

Love is a twisted feeling. Well, feeling isn’t the right word for it. It’s not as passive as a feeling. It’s more like…a ribbon. Random, I know, but hear me out. You know that warmth that fills your chest when you take that first sip of hot cocoa? How it makes you all happy inside? See, happy is a feeling. Happy just happens. If you’re lucky, happy happens a lot. It floats in you, makes you all airy and light, tingles a bit. Sad, too. It sinks into the pit of your chest, tugs on whatever’s in its path, heavies your breath. Love isn’t like that. It wraps around your heart and weaves through your veins like a braided silk ribbon. It pulsates through you with every beat, nourishing you, renewing you, consuming you.

I am a feminist.

I am a feminist because my heart races when I’m walking down a quiet street and my throat closes up when I’m alone with a man in an elevator.

I am a feminist because the public space is not a shared space. It’s a stage that I didn’t ask to be on. Men leer at me like I’m on display, and women shake their heads in disapproval and disgrace. Their eyes choke me on my own air.

I am a feminist because of the times I’ve been hyper-sexualized as an "exotic, submissive Asian."  Let's be clear, I am neither.