The 5 A's of Abroad

You must know the study abroad syndrome. I came down with this nasty travel bug myself. It’s hard to miss the symptoms as they so obnoxiously present themselves: a photo album of your friend in illusory contact with notable monuments, redundant declarations of wishing they were back there, unasked for comparisons of home to abroad. Those of us who caught it flock back to our homeland to paint a pretty picture of what studying abroad was like. All you hear is the flashy highlight reel. What you don’t hear too often is what happened behind the scenes: all the exhaustion and boy was there a lot of exhaustion – at least for me. I studied in Utrecht, Netherlands for spring semester 2015. My experience wasn’t picture perfect. It was far from it. So here’s my take on what studying abroad was really like.

The first few weeks were pure bliss. Utrecht served as the quintessential introduction to Europe, what with its cobblestoned paths and quaint canals. Wandering through tight alleyways lined with old Victorian-esque homes brought with it a sense of grandeur. For a metropolis girl who grew up with a McDonald’s at every corner, it was as if I had stepped into one of those fairytales I’d read as a kid.

The anxiety grew gradually, day by day, as I began to realize that I couldn’t just click my heels and be home again. I was thrown into someone else’s world and forced to live it. I started to miss the most absurd little details of home that shouldn’t matter but for some reason did, like spacious supermarket aisles, billboards, and American junk food that I never ate anyway. Slowly, the stress started to build when I couldn’t understand anything and had to Google Map everything. The alleyways started to feel a little too tight and for God's sake, where was the sun?? I felt guilt and frustration for expending my parents’ money when this was not what I envisioned it to be.

Anger quickly followed suit, in part due to the weather. I’m a So Cal native and like most So Cal natives, the sun fills my happy tank. Utrecht winter = no sun. No sun = overdramatic and miserable me. I hated everything. I hated biking to class with rain slashing against my face. I hated wearing my entire wardrobe just to step outside (overdramatic remember?). I hated that I couldn’t eavesdrop into other’s conversations (Not that I normally do, but I like to have the option, you know?). I spent each night hovering around the heater in my room with a stock of frozen dinners at the ready. How much more American could I get? It took a phone call with the person I needed the most to get me out of this rut: my mama.   

My mama knew exactly how I was feeling but on a much larger scale. She shared with me how it felt to uproot her life in Vietnam and immigrate to the US. Hearing her story shifted my perspective. I was stuck here for six months and moping about it just made it harder. I developed a routine and forced myself to go through the motions. I’d visit a coffee shop after school, and upgraded from my signature meal of 5-minute microwavables to trying out different restaurants instead. I made a conscious effort to stop complaining. Luckily, the kindness and humor of my floor mates helped me forget my complaints and soon they stopped altogether. I lived from moment to moment in this sort of neutral state. Days passed. Then months.

Before I knew it, I was giving tourists directions around the city. I was debating with friends which coffee joint was the best in town. Mine was the unassuming one at the corner with those wall-to-wall windows for people watching. I’d bike around, mindlessly meandering the twists and turns with fluid ease. Then it hit me…at what point did I become comfortable? It felt like ages ago when I had dreaded the six months ahead of me. All my anxiety and anger was just a reflection of the past now. This realization of how far I had come had me feeling accomplished, exhilarated, and empowered all at once.

           Affection grew easily, naturally. I couldn’t stop taking it all in. Biking home from school, I would precariously rubberneck at every passing building and peer into every open window for a peak at Dutch living. I appreciated Utrecht’s beauty, its quiet charm, how the carefree Dutch spirit lingered in the air and just relaxed me. It was like some sort of Oz-Land. (Granted, spring had come by this point so the sun did have a bit to do with this turnaround.) As the days passed, I grew deeper and deeper attached to this gem of a city. The timing was cruel. I had to leave just as I was beginning to love. It was a love I had to work at, but it all felt worth it in the end.

           While the highlight reel stole the spotlight when I returned, I valued all that it took to get there (except the frozen dinners). So if you’re studying abroad or about to, don’t fret if it’s not the trifecta of adventure, excitement, and spontaneity you expect. Appreciate the journey for what it is. Embrace the challenges. Don’t stay in as much as I did. By the end of it, you’ll definitely end up with your own flashy highlight reel to share.