Settling for Love the Right Way
February 22, 2017
It’s no secret that the dating game has changed over the years. Baby Boomers aren’t shy to complain about the lost art of the “good ‘ol days” while us Millennials swipe left and right to find that special one. Wooing turned into a string of emojis, and deep phone conversations became ten-second snaps. We’ve cut straight to the chase. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not some old-fashioned Millennial still trying to cling onto that past. I’m all for the direction dating is heading. Life’s too short to wait around for that fairytale ending. By all means, take matters into your own hands. I guess what trips me up is our approach to dating.
I
was talking to a friend not long ago who was clamoring on about how she was
single for yet another Valentine’s Day. Her self-pity unpredictably evolved
into self-confidence as she defensively attributed her singledom to
her high standards. Without prompting, she began to list the qualities she was
searching for in her beau.
“Someone who is both sexy and smart. Someone who doesn't take
life too seriously but also someone looking toward the future for a stable
life."
If I were to ask you to describe your ideal partner, you
wouldn't hesitate to answer. Traits easily come to mind. A good cook, perhaps?
Someone who’s athletic, or sensitive, or comedic. Thanks to Disney, we have
this drive to find the ideal romantic partner. Now, as people realize the
importance in building an online portfolio, it’s as quick as a Google search to
weed out who’s fit for that coveted spot in your life. Dating becomes a
checklist of benchmarks to meet. If they don’t meet the criteria, it’s on to
the next one. It’s funny, we’ve stripped the romance out of dating but still
cling onto that search for ‘the one.’
The problem is…the one isn’t who we think they are.
The one may find cat videos a little more interesting one night than the story you’re trying to tell them.
The one burps incredibly loudly, and smiles afterward.
The one will spend two hours getting ready and make you late to
everything.
The one’s feet stink, terribly, as if they’re decaying.
The one doesn't have a clue what they want to do in life.
The one can't turn the stove on without burning something.
The list goes on.
Okay, hopefully not all of those things, but even if so…you get the picture.
‘The one’ that Nicholas Sparks has been selling to us all these years doesn't exist. I’m sure you know that, but it’s now easier than ever to swipe away at someone who just isn’t exactly who you’re looking for ‘cause you’ve got an endless string of options at your fingertips. Just like my friend, many of us don’t want to settle until we find that perfect one. We’ve become so scared of this idea of settling so we search and search and continue to search. The truth of the matter is, we all settle. We end up with someone whose flaws we learn to accept. It’s realizing what to settle for that makes all the difference.
Instead of searching for your ideal mate, search for your ideal relationship.
Someone who respects you, your opinions, your beliefs, and your boundaries.
Someone who supports you in your dreams and helps you chase after them.
Someone who challenges you to think more critically of the world, to bare yourself emotionally, and to always stand up for yourself because you deserve it.
Someone who makes you laugh, not because they have the best sense of humor, but because you can't help but laugh and smile constantly when you're around them.
Someone who prioritizes you, thinks of you first, and wants the best for you.
While an ideal mate doesn't always make for an ideal relationship, the ideal relationship can make an ideal mate. Maybe Disney isn’t lying about a happily-ever-after. We just need to redefine our search for the one.
The one can't turn the stove on without burning something.
The list goes on.
Okay, hopefully not all of those things, but even if so…you get the picture.
‘The one’ that Nicholas Sparks has been selling to us all these years doesn't exist. I’m sure you know that, but it’s now easier than ever to swipe away at someone who just isn’t exactly who you’re looking for ‘cause you’ve got an endless string of options at your fingertips. Just like my friend, many of us don’t want to settle until we find that perfect one. We’ve become so scared of this idea of settling so we search and search and continue to search. The truth of the matter is, we all settle. We end up with someone whose flaws we learn to accept. It’s realizing what to settle for that makes all the difference.
Instead of searching for your ideal mate, search for your ideal relationship.
Someone who respects you, your opinions, your beliefs, and your boundaries.
Someone who supports you in your dreams and helps you chase after them.
Someone who challenges you to think more critically of the world, to bare yourself emotionally, and to always stand up for yourself because you deserve it.
Someone who makes you laugh, not because they have the best sense of humor, but because you can't help but laugh and smile constantly when you're around them.
Someone who prioritizes you, thinks of you first, and wants the best for you.
While an ideal mate doesn't always make for an ideal relationship, the ideal relationship can make an ideal mate. Maybe Disney isn’t lying about a happily-ever-after. We just need to redefine our search for the one.
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